Homeschool Horizons
“Homeschool Horizons” is a podcast dedicated to sharing insights, tips, and stories from my seven years of homeschooling experience. Whether you’re just starting out or looking for new ideas, this podcast offers practical advice, encouragement, and strategies to help families thrive! Tune in for a down-to-earth, supportive space to grow along your homeschooling journey.
Homeschool Horizons
My Friend, Homeschool Mother of a Neurodivergent Child
My dear friend Nicole homeschools her autistic son. She shares her journey here.
Mothers Together
https://www.ontheharddays.com
You can send me a message or comment at homeschoolhorizons@yahoo.com
Welcome to Homeschool Horizons. I'm Yvette, your host. Well, everybody, today I have a guest that I'm going to interview, and I've been very excited about interviewing her. She's a dear friend of mine. And you know what? I'm just going to go ahead and let her introduce herself. Go ahead, introduce yourself. Hi, everyone. I'm Nicole. My friend Nicole, the reason that I wanted to interview her, and is because oh, and also I just want to say that if you guys hear any other noises, although this um website that I use is really good at editing, if you guys hear anything, we're actually outside at a little cafe talking. But um uh the reason I wanted to interview her is because she has an amazing son who is how old is he now? He's eight and a half. Eight and a half, and he is um her your only, right? Your only son? Yeah, he's my only child. And I want you like he is what? Because I don't want to say, like, what are some what are his challenges? Because I like I said, I didn't want to say give him a name. I wanted you to be able to do it.
SPEAKER_01:Well, that's totally fine. Um, he's so he's autistic and he was uh diagnosed also with speech and language delay as well as um a sensory processing disorder. And um, I also feel that he might have um something that's more newly known, and that's uh misophonia. And um, so that's like an extreme intense um reaction to different uh typical everyday sounds.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, I didn't know that.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it's not as well known, um, but it's um it's coming around. So it's coming to be more known.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, and how long have you been uh homeschooling your son? About two and a half years. And when you first thought of homeschooling your son, I mean, when did that first cross your mind even?
SPEAKER_01:Um, you know, I probably first thought about that when he was about five years old. Um, we had been, he had been already going to a daycare and at the daycare, uh he went through the daycare from about seven months to preschool age. So he did two years of preschool, and right around that time of the second year of preschool, there was kind of when I was starting to think about homeschooling. Um, but uh we stuck with the same school that led on, it was a private school, so it led on into TK. And so while he was there at TK, I got to see how he would do more in a typical classroom. And that's when we started to see more struggles um with him trying to be um trying to be independent on his own. So we had to bring in a school aid there, and uh, there's there's more I could say about it. I don't know, I don't know. Did you have other questions?
SPEAKER_00:I mean, yeah, you know, as you mentioned the school aid right now, that was like gonna be my next question was like, did you be immediately begin homeschooling or did you try other things educationally? And it sounds like right off the bat, you you didn't just go straight to homeschooling, you tried things that would work in that classroom.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, so we were um the only reason why we were able to stay at the private school, because private schools don't provide um uh special education resources, but some will work with you and say, hey, you can stay at the private school as long as you're bringing in your own aid. And um, some will accept, you know, you bringing in your own aid and others may not, but they made it a qualification that if we wanted him to attend there, we had to bring in our own aid that would be with him one-on-one, um, since it since it was apparent definitely that he needed the extra, um, the extra assistance. And so we brought in an aide that he had already essentially it was his ABA aide. And so she was already doing so many hours with him. And because of um the fact that he needed assistance um still with um toileting needs, they were able to um give us, you know, a portion of his ABA hours to be um used at at the school with his ABAA. Um so they those could only carry us so far though. They were only giving us about three hours because most um you go through an H if you go through an HMO um like we do, um many HMOs like Kaiser don't um approve of having um an aid the whole an aid but there the whole time. Um, well, for educational reasons. So they the the goals have to be for other reasons for um for like self-care. Um so because he needed that help with the self-care, we could get um some still we could still get some hours that way with the ABA to be there. But then it was up to us out of our pocket to have someone there for the extra remaining time while he was there. And so it went really well for about you know the first three months of the school year. And then our aide unexpectedly quit on us at the at out of nowhere, so um, and didn't give us any advanced warnings. So we were given a week to try to find somebody else to be an aide for him. That was clearly not enough time to find somebody to trust um and take care to take care of the be there for him. So no um we had to um quit the school, and that's when I officially went in and started homeschooling.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, wow. You know what? And I'm I'm like don't know anything about yeah, I don't have any uh, you know, autistic children, I haven't traveled that route. What is ABA?
SPEAKER_01:So ABA is um applied behavior analysis. That's what it's that's what it's called. It's um so it's a type of therapy that is typically um prescribed by doctors to kids who are on the spectrum. Um it's just it's it's just kind of like it's it's the typical thing that they assign to uh to a child on the spectrum. Not all, it's not, it's not for all autistic children, it's not for all families. Um not everyone, um, not everyone agrees with it. Um others think it's great and it works well for them, and others it doesn't. Um some companies who provide the therapy are better than others. And so it's just it's it's a it's a personal choice um as to whether you decide to do that, but it's to work with the kids on, you know, um, well, essentially they're different behaviors that can be challenging when they are trying to either, you know, learn or um do um any sort of life skills or tasks. So the therapy is there to try to help them uh um basically, you know, change the behaviors in a different way so that it doesn't get in the way of them living their life. But there is debate over how they do it is um whether it's appropriate for the child or not.
SPEAKER_00:So wow. But you felt like it was helpful to you guys.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, in the beginning we felt it was helpful. I I really I really just needed someone else there to talk to you about everything that I was going through. We did the ABA therapy through the time of COVID during the pandemic when everything was closed down. So um, so I held on to it for for a little while. Um, but as he got further along in that therapy, um it was clear to me that really wasn't really wasn't what he needed. Um so he needed to look into other other things, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Other ways.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Did you um did you guys use Regional Center?
SPEAKER_01:So we did use Regional Center. Um Regional Center um is there, you know, to help um help those with this help those with disabilities. Um and we used it for a few a few different things. Um it depends on depends on what kind of plan they make for use, because when you get enrolled into the regional center, they um they have to assess like what you what you need and what would be helpful for you. So they make up they make essentially like a goal plan with you, and then they tell you what they can give to you um as a result. And so um if he had came in earlier, like before three, they would have had a lot more to give him in the way of early intervention that would be for free. Um, but because he didn't get diagnosed until after three, we weren't we weren't able to get the same sort of um resources and help from them. Um so we entered the regional center probably about when he was about three and a half or four. And as a result of them making up a plan for him, we were able to get um basically, you know, a chance to enroll him in like extracurricular classes and activities. Um there wasn't a lot that we got from the regional center that they offered.
SPEAKER_00:That you could use.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. They um they did help us with uh when we were trying to put him into public school, they were there to help initiate the first uh the first process of what you go through in order to get into the public school. So they were there to help with the IEP process and that to initiate that. And from there, they also offer um respite services, so like um essentially, you know, um babysitting um care to relieve the the caregivers. So we have so many hours. We did not use a lot of it just because of the the process itself to get the right kind of caregiver for your kid is kind of hard. They only have certain companies that they work with, and there's there were long wait lists, and um it was difficult to get the type of caregiver we were looking for at the time that we needed. It was hard to trust certain people um to um stay with them and trust that they would be there for him. That was our experience. Um, I know that's not everyone's experience, but we did not use that that much.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:You used your did like to go and have some respite for yourself? Was it like your parents that you used?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, more or less. I mean, it was our parents and my brother. Um, so we used we used them. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, when they were able to. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Oh my goodness. So what do you feel are some things that have that you know have worked? I know it's like a lot. There's a lot you've tried, you know, but if something certain things might stand out. Um well, you already named one, how A B was helpful in the beginning for you. Mostly for you, you said, because you felt like somebody you talked to, especially during COVID. You mentioned. But what were some other things that maybe were that stood out to you as helpful or that have worked for your son so far, for you and your son so far?
SPEAKER_01:So getting him into um speech therapy was um a big, a big starter on being someone that was very beneficial to him. Yeah, that was just through private insurance. Um and then you you can also get speech therapy through the public school system, but we we stuck with our our private insurance and what they could provide. So we started with speech therapy, we started with occupational therapy, and um, so that's what we started with first. And that's you know, that's what we were using while he was still in the daycare. And um while he was in the daycare, we were able to find another speech therapist that was um a private one that was outside outside of our insurance that we used um so that she could come to his um preschool to help him and help him learn how to socialize more with others. Um but through again, that was out of our own pocket. That was not with our private insurance because private insurance won't um private is private insurance through your own personal insurance is not is not going to allow a speech therapist to go into the classroom unless unless you have a different type of insurance, which I believe some PPOs allow for that. Oh, but um, we did not have a PPO, so we were we had a HMO. Um, so we went, you know, based this on the the daycare that they were we were at, they recommended somebody that they knew who had been coming to their daycare before to help kids. And so we went through her. And um that was a start of having someone there for him. And through her being there, she realized along with her um, I guess you would say her superior, yeah um, realized that James was learning um in a different, was learning language in a different way. And so he was a different type of language processor. And so there's analytical language processors and there's gestalt language processors, and he was diagnosed as a gestalt language processor by them. What is it? What is it, the word? A gestalt.
SPEAKER_00:Gestalt? Oh, I never heard of that.
SPEAKER_01:Gestalt, okay. Yeah, so gestalt means the whole. And there's a lot more out there about that today than there ever was before. Um, but that finding them was a huge, um, a huge helpful thing to us in so many ways, because they were able to help us give us tips and strategies to start helping him um speak more on his own and not just um rattle off what he memorized, but to speak his own spontaneous language. And we were able to get we were given tips on like how we could figure out what he was really trying to say um when he was um repeating things and echoing things and scripting things from from shows. So there's a lot to go in about that, but um I won't go into every single detail. But yeah, but yeah, but that was a start with doing the um did with doing the therapies first and then from there, you know, like I said, we went to the private school, and then from the private school with that not working out, then we went into um we went to into homeschooling at home, and I started with a private um not a private, but I should say a public charter. A public charter is what I started with first.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, you were with the charter and then you stopped being with the charter. And then now you're back with the charter, right?
SPEAKER_01:Yes, yeah, yeah. Can you talk about that? Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Your decision making there.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. So when we entered the public charter in the beginning for the first half year, I did homeschooling because remember, I was as I was telling you, we were kicked out of the school because we couldn't find another aid to replace who we had. So we we lost our aid when um it was time to come back from winter break. So I had to start homeschooling in the middle of January, essentially. So that was that was my first time starting. And so we had picked a charter that we were able to get into very easily in the middle of the year because there's many charters that don't allow you to enter in the middle of the school year. So we weren't given a lot of choices, and I didn't want to push pause on having him learn. And I had no idea yet how I wanted to homeschool. And um, I just knew in the back of my mind that it was possibly going to be the right thing for him since he had been struggling some already um in the classroom with his sensory struggles. But um so yeah, we went with whatever we could get. Um, so it was basically it was basically like being online for classes during the pandemic. So you had to sign on, you had to be there for, you know, however much time, 30 minutes to to 40 minutes sometimes on a class session with a teacher on the computer. So that was not great for my son at all. Yeah, and um, it's not what I ultimately envisioned for homeschooling for him. It did not allow for any flexibility at all. We were stuck in the house, having to be there for the different class meetings. So we fudged through it, you know, struggled with it um for the first half year. And then my following year, I got into a um a PSP, um, which I believe they call it like a private satellite program, which is basically it's like basically it's like a private school again, but yes, but you're doing the homeschooling at home, and then that private school is there to like, you know, help give you great or submit your grades, certain things, yeah, yeah. Keep track of your records for you. Yes. Some of them will have like special days where either they um will like have people at at their location and do like extracurricular classes, which is what the one we did did for us. And they also organized field trips once a month. So that was a good speed for us um because it allowed for me to have a lot more flexibility with him and what I wanted to teach and like what at the pace I wanted to teach it, and he didn't have to be glued to a screen, but we could use the computer if we needed to for certain things, which did work really well for him on some things, but it didn't work very well for him on other things. And so it was yeah, yeah, and we did that for where can we get a count? Because we did we've done that for about two years now. So now we're back again um for our third year and we went back to a charter. So I went back to a public charter because um with the with the PSP that the the private school that we went through to do our homeschooling, it was it was helpful in a lot of ways with just having all that flexibility, but it was difficult in the sense of um we didn't have any extra other resources to help um to help us.
SPEAKER_00:Monetarily, you mean, or you mean just even even just other vendors, other other classes, other other things available?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, but there were no other extra classes available to us, there was no extra funds available to us, um, and because situations were changing financially in our home, that made it difficult. Um so with the um with a public charter, you know, you're offered um, you were still offered a free and appropriate education and an IP IEP because they're still they are still chained to the public um process. So they um are expected to give that to kids with special needs. Um so we thought we would try that again because we would have the extra support and some extra resources, some extra funds. Um yeah. How's it going so far? How do you feel so far? So I feel it feels pretty good. Like we've really have just really started for about three weeks. So we've only had three weeks so far, um, because we were enrolled last minute by them. Um so it's it's a little bit more than what we're used to. It's a slightly, so I guess a slightly more heavier load in the way of um how much work we're doing and and subject-wise, um, because I had more flexibility with that to go his speed with the other place. But yeah, um, but it's going okay so far. It's going okay so far. Um and I actually will have the meeting about his IEP uh um next week. And so I'll get to find out more about what kind of resources he's going to um be able to get. Um I am a little bit nervous on fitting in all those different resources that they have mentioned already that they would like to give, but um I think that it's time for a change for him to um is where I'm getting at is that he I think he needs a chance to um be working with some other people besides me. So now that he's getting a little bit older, um, I don't think that I should necessarily be the be all end-all person that he's dealing with to learn. Yeah. So um I think this provides an opportunity that way and still provides him and I some support in doing so.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. I like that. So I feel like you uh something I wanted to ask you was about what are some of the challenges that you've experienced. I think I feel like you've already talked about some of the challenges that you've experienced homeschooling. More in like I think uh in the outside things that not outside things. What have been some of your personal challenges like with homeschooling yourself? Because even right now I just heard you say you you do feel like you want him to have um you feel this is this is a the right time for him to have other teachers, not just you. Is that from you having had some challenges at just being you, or you know, can you explain that?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I mean, sometimes I run into blocks where on how to teach him a specific concept, um, he's there's certain concepts that he just hasn't understood. And while I have been a teacher myself, it it's it's still a struggle to try to figure out what else could I be doing to help him. And sometimes when it you it's you, the mom, I think like maybe it's hard. It's it's harder to I find it hard to find the balance of how much do I really push him and when do I need to just back off and give him a break. Um his therapists, his speech therapist, and his occupational therapist have also thought that he could have something of what they call a PDA profile, which again isn't really widely recognized here in the US, but it's recognized in other countries more so. But it's um it's a side of him where he has trouble accepting demands. And so he wants more autonomy. And um, so it's can be difficult that even like the slightest question can feel like a huge demand to him. And so sometimes I think because that's always coming from me, that that makes it hard, harder for us to get through lessons and learn things because he feels like he's always being demand demands are always being. Demands are being made from mama, yeah, and they're being made from me. Yeah. Yeah. So um, so that's what's made it hard that is the pushback. Um and I mean when even when he was in private school, um at the at the same place we did the daycare, there was just there was just so much struggles um with like the environment itself. So the the sensory, the sounds that um that were very difficult for him to block out, to focus. And so and they're very typical sounds, like you know, a kid sneezing or someone coughing or a kid crying. And there's sounds at our home too that you know set him off as well. So those kind of things can be a struggle, I think, um to handle when when homeschooling him, but um but mainly mainly because I feel like because everything's coming from me, yeah. I I feel like he needs a little bit of that change because as we all know, our kids can act differently with others. So I feel like maybe it might be beneficial to him if he could be learning from others as as well as me, but but others too.
SPEAKER_00:That's so funny you say that because I, you know, my children, as you know, are not autistic, but I find there I feel the same way about like my oldest right now, my 13-year-old, he just can't learn from me right now. He just can't. Yeah. So it's working really well to have other teachers for him.
SPEAKER_01:That's great. Really well. That's great.
SPEAKER_00:Yes. Um I feel, you know, I just want to thank you. You've shared a lot, and I know there's a lot more that you could share. And I've even told you that I feel like you could have your own podcast about this, right? But um I I I guess I want to end our time together today with um what is it that you would tell um others that are like at the very beginning of their journey? Like a mom that might be listening right now that her child is two years old. Yeah. You know, I don't even, I can't, I mean, already when you have a two-year-old and you're a first-time mom, you're already overwhelmed as it is. And I mean, I can't imagine what you're feeling when you have a child not just as autistic, but a child of very other challenges at some, you know.
SPEAKER_01:So any disability.
SPEAKER_00:Any disability, right? Um, what is it that you would want her to know?
SPEAKER_01:That's a big question.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah. So what wisdom would you like to impart?
SPEAKER_01:I mean, you've been through your thing. You know, even when even when they're two, uh I know it's it's hard to know like what you think what what it is that you want to do um at that point, because even when they're two, you know, you don't even always know exactly what their official diagnosis is gonna be. But but there's those of us that, you know, have the inkling that we know already for sure. And I guess um I don't know, like what I guess what I would say is that you gotta think about what matters most to you for your child. Um and what do you want most for them. So that's I guess that's what you start with is what I that's what I started with, is what do I want most for him? And um what what will help give them that for the time being and you peace and you a peace of mind. So so again, I guess that yeah, think about what matters most to you, what what do you want most for them, and then what is it that could help give you that peace of mind for both of you? Um is what I would recommend. And then don't doubt yourself. Um, and this was a hard one for me. Um just so full, so full of doubt, and there's so many decisions out there to make, and there's so many choices out there to make. But um in the end, you can't doubt yourself and don't let others' opinions um sway you because um and and don't make them make you feel like your choice was inadequate or the wrong one. Because I think uh there's no right or wrong choice um when it comes to doing what you feel is best at the time. And you can always make changes in what you feel is the best at the time. Um and you won't know if homeschooling is the right choice to begin with. You just you just won't. And you won't know until you try it. So that was how what I had to tell myself. That's what I had others tell me. And so don't be afraid to try. Uh there's just so much flexibility in it, which is overwhelming at first because there is so much flexibility, but it's um but that's actually what that's the beauty of it. That's the real beauty of um homeschooling, is what I've noticed is the flexibility, and you get this opportunity to teach what you feel is best for your child, and you don't have to do it by anyone's anyone's standards, but at the same time, you've gotta remain to be, you yourself need to remember that it's okay to be flexible. And and in my homeschooling journey, I've learned that change is gonna be constant. That's an inevitable thing. And so, yeah, when it comes to teaching your child, that's yeah, changing things up is always gonna be something that's there. And last of all, just don't be afraid to seek out others. Um, try to look for your people. Um, homeschooling a child with special needs can feel extremely lonely at times because even the stuff that is out there for homeschoolers um doesn't all isn't always organized in a way that's going to be helpful to your child with special needs. Um, unfortunately. Um, but there's a lot of people out there more so like on Facebook and social media that are trying to organize these types of groups. And um, and even if you do find play groups on on Facebook, which is what I did, what I started with too, even if you don't know if they're for kids with special needs or not, don't be afraid to um try them out because you still might find some of the most supportive people that you don't, you just don't, you just don't know. And and And even if you're on Facebook pages yourself, don't be afraid to put out there what it is that you're looking for. Um, because you just might get a response of someone else looking for the same thing.
SPEAKER_00:I mean, that's how we met, right? Yeah. We met through a little like outdoor play group. It wasn't for children with disabilities, it was just for all children. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And and then it turned out with some people in our group did have child children with um some special needs.
SPEAKER_00:That's true. Yeah. You just never know. You never know if you don't put yourself out there.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:But my biggest thing is just try not, yeah, try not to feel that you're all alone in this. There's definitely others out there, you know, that are looking for the support. And um I will just drop it out there too. That a great resource for um for parents of um kids with disabilities or neurodivergent disabilities is called Mothers Together. And um there is a woman by the name of Megan, and she is on Instagram. Her handle is on the hard days, and she runs this um this support group called Mothers Together, which is facilitated through the Marco Polo app. Oh so you basically can connect with women from all over and they take out, they take out the hard work of trying of you trying to find these people on your own. So it's people that are coming with the purpose of looking for support and wanting to talk with other moms who are going through the same things, and then they try to match you up in a group of women who are going through similar things so that you can chat with each other. Granted, most of it's virtual, but it could lead to it could lead to in-person meetings or not.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, that's so true.
SPEAKER_00:Oh my gosh. Well, I want to thank you so much, Nicole, for um agreeing to do this interview. You're welcome. And for the circumstances we find ourselves in outside with moving vehicles and people talking, um, pedestrians walking by us. But thank you so much. And I want you to know, as I've told you before, um, how much I admire you. And, you know, I know it's like, because people tell me too how much they admire me. And when people say that to me, I'm like, uh, whatever, you know. But I do, and I love you very much. And thank you so much for doing this.
SPEAKER_01:You're welcome.
SPEAKER_00:All right, everybody. Well, um, I will be talking to you soon. I hope you guys all have a wonderful week, in spite of all a lot of heavy stuff that's happening out there. And I just um want to um say God bless all of you, and uh, we will talk very soon.